A Divine Vow Renewal

The New Year is here but... it doesn't feel like there's much to get excited about. This blogpost explores how God wants to replace new year's resolutions with reminders of His Love for you.

The night you met me six years ago was the wildest night of my life. I sometimes laugh reflecting on it because the only reason I was even at that event that evening was because I had FOMO (fear of missing out). My friends told me it would be a great time, but I had no real expectations that I would meet you there. At that point in my life, I was budding out of childhood innocence and eager to leap into teenage ignorance. In my mind, I was grown with a capital G, and all I cared about was having a good time and being reckless.

It was February 15th, 2015, on a late Saturday evening. I had had a long day of events, and things were about to be concluded, but just as the closeout was nearing, something shifted in the environment. There was an evident need to linger around for a couple more minutes. As those minutes turned into hours, everything around me began to shake and feel like heaven. Hundreds of people were in the room, loud music blasted through the speakers, and cries resounded up and down the aisles. Your Spirit had broken out unto all who were there, and I had never witnessed a crusade like this before. In real-time, I had revelation after revelation, coming face to face with my sorrow about my sin; and for the first time ever, I realized that I actually needed you. I was a mere skeleton with a smile for a mask. I had not been okay, and I didn't know what would make things right. Unsure of how you would recognize me in all that divine commotion, I began to cry – lament even. In a pool of my tears, immediately, your presence fell on me just as the sun slowly rolled in to greet the morning. You were undeniably so loving, so kind, and so personal. It wasn't at all what I expected when meeting God, but it was every bit of what I needed. With your Spirit doing a rapid work on my heart, your words gently whispered in my ear asking me if you could be my Lord and take over my life, and without hesitation, I said "yes Lord," and since then, my life was never the same.

Fast forward to 2021, and we've been in a covenant for years. Happily, ever after is the goal, and your Word says that you transform us from Glory to Glory and glorified we all shall be, but glorious isn't how it's always been for us.

Despite being six years in and having the time of my life with you, there are still somber moments that cause me to gaze toward the heavens with suspicion. I read your Word with a tilt of the head, internally questioning if what you say will actually come true; if the vows you made to me on the day of my salvation are promises that will be fulfilled. During my quiet time reading the other day, 2 Kings 4:28 uncovered the truth in me. As I read the words of that grieving mother in the scripture, I also sang the song of my heart in the same beat, and it confessed, "Lord didn't I tell you not to get my hopes up." Father, I've been battling perpetual disappointment for the past two years. At times it has felt as though you don't care to rewrite that narrative. However, your Word insists that you intend to be the Good Shepherd of my soul.

So today, I write to testify from a place of faith for our beloved tomorrows. I may not know what the future holds for us, but you assure me in the secret place that your vows are still good, your promises are still unraveling in my life because you do not lie (Numbers 23:19). I also know that there will be days when I'm not feeling inspired to cling to your promises, but my desire is that I'll cling to them anyway because I honor and value the covenant made that binds me to your faithfulness.

I must admit and repent that many of the tribulations I experience are due to my inability to believe in your love. To an extent, I've always felt that one would always have to perform to be loved truly. A person's expectations of me needed to be upheld; otherwise, their love would dwindle along with my facade of perfection. So when your Unconditional love chased me, I figured it'd only be a matter of time until you got tired of me. But instead of growing weary, you grew fierce, assuring me that if there was any love worth experiencing, it's your love for me. Sometimes my circumstances convince me that you are not mindful of me, that you didn't place the hairs on my head and care for each one, but your vows to me say that you have loved me with an everlasting love, and you consistently draw me in with loving devotion.

If only I truly understood that the relationship you have with your children is like a committed marriage, I wouldn't wonder if you're listening to my cries because a good spouse always hears. I wouldn't wonder if you're mad at me and desire to abandon me because a loving spouse doesn't turn their back on the one they share flesh with, the person they've become one with. Abandoning a spouse would mean abandoning themselves. Lord, you've been revealing yourself since time began, so what made me believe for a second you would hide yourself and your love from me?

Tethered by life's harshness, Lord, I forgot to lean on your partnership. My mere human error and absentmindedness caused me to forget my basic spiritual motor skills. I allowed myself to suffocate with anxiety and befriend an orphan spirit* because I didn't make a conscious effort to ask your Spirit to bring things to remembrance about your truth (John 14:26). Had I not slipped in remembrance and esteemed your vows to me, I would have remembered that 'neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' and that I don't have to do anything to maintain that love because you gave it to me freely even when I was your enemy (Romans 5:10).

Many times I still struggle to give you the only pleasure you desire, which is my faith. Breathe life again into my pessimistic heart. Silence the taunting of my pitfalls and harsh experiences, and lavish your glory on me, the one you love with an everlasting love. May our story be one of harmony and not wrestling. I've seen and read of tumultuous relationships riddled with pain, bruteness, and resentment. I don't desire the type of intimacy that soothes sometimes and bruises another. I want intimacy that heals, that comforts me in sorrow, and stewards me in moments of pride. Create in me a clean heart (Psalm 103:1-18). Oh Father, would you make me over to be a daughter of Zion radiating your light and bearing your fruit. Make a masterpiece of me by the power of your vows. Give me the audacity to say "yes" and "I do" when my ears hear your Word and give me the eyes of hope to dream your vision as it manifests.

God, you've not only spoken over me in the depths of the earth (Psalm 139:15), but you've also released your vow to me from your lips that you will never leave me nor forsake me, and that your Word concerning me would not turn back to you void (Isaiah 55:11). Grace has been the glue that marries you and I in daily matrimony. You set vows in place so when I can't stand, your Word upholds me holistically. God, I want to know what it's like for you to be my truest sustenance. You and you alone. No Job, no mentor, no church, no friends, Father just you. May I know for myself that your right hand truly has the power to uphold me (Isaiah 41:10).

Matthew 4:4 says, "'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.'" So, God, I want to truly live! Every Word from you, whether through scripture, prophecy, dream, or prayer, help me to receive it by renewing my daily Vow of "yes Lord." Strengthen me to live on that Word, tarry on that Word, go to war with that Word, profess that Word, and read that Word because you've said that is where the fullness of life meets me.

Father, throughout these six years of covenant and salvation, I can't help but admit that you were the keeper of it all. Nothing I have done sustained this relationship because if it were based on my consistency, we would've been separated on a month to month basis. The origin of wed or wedlock means to pledge oneself to the other, and what greater vow did you, Christ, make with me than to pledge yourself in life, death, and resurrection so that you may dwell with me forever. The Bible says that no greater love EXISTS than to lay one's life down for a friend. Christ, you have laid down your life in death so that you may solidify your vows and covenant to me. How then does a "yes lord" seem so hard for me to pledge?

If by the command of God the earth was formed and is still being sustained, how much more can you sustain my life and can cause it to flourish? How much more could he satisfy all my desires, heal me, give me joy, and transform my life.

So God, The maker of heaven and earth, with the voice to command creation and with hands delicate enough to fashion man, Father, you are my everything. I humble myself before you, in front of such a great cloud of witnesses online, and I testify that A vow is a revelation of value, and Father, I see that you are the most valuable person in my life. I renew my vow to you today not out of obligation but out of an unwavering desire for an abundant life. For the entirety of 2021, may I proclaim "YES LORD"!