The Strength of a Weary Wrestler

If 2020 has stripped you of strength, endurance, or hope, and you're trying to regain your footing, read further to learn what you'll need to do just that!

Some people grew up in environments that bred them to fight. Whether those people had a family full of strong-willed people who fought civilly, or they had people around them that fought uncivilly, but they didn't feel like family at all. No matter the variations of "hostile" environments, those kinds of experiences always give rise to three types of human fighters: 1) the type of fighter that's very vocal about their issues with someone or something, and they won't hesitate to "attack"/confront. 2) The fighter that won't start something, but they'll finish it if they have to. 3) then lastly, there's the quiet fighter. The one that doesn't need to bark or bite because their weapon is their survival skills. They read rooms and emotions like no other, and they know how to move accordingly for their survival.

I often wish I could've been the third type of fighter, but God just didn't make me that way. I have always been the second type of fighter. I typically work overtime to keep the peace wherever I find myself, even if the peace is disingenuous. A moment of fake peace seemed better than wrath in my eyes. So I always played it cool if I could. If tensions ran too high and the funk couldn't be faked anymore, I defended myself and others around me confidently. Fights never really scared me persé; what scared me most was giving way to the fire I knew I felt brewing inside of me. However, as I've gotten older and different challenges along the way have matured me mercilessly, I've become less and less able to evolve into fighter number two. The fire that used to brew inside me is now like an old lighter struggling to catch a spark, even if only for a momentary flame.

I'm unsure when I first granted access to timidity and allowed it to coax my instinct to fight but what I can tell you is that the tribulations of 2020 have revealed that my flame has been snuffed out for some time. My weakness and powerlessness have become so candidly clear.

Since that revelation, I've been trying to grasp this concept of warfare in these past two months. I've been trying to learn how to wrestle with life the way it's been wrestling with me. I'm sure you've also sensed that undeniable push back from life this year. That push back that delivers bad news after you just got over the last news or that cancellation after you've been looking forward to something for some time now, or even worse, that opportunity you were working so hard was given to someone else. You know, that rude audacity 2020 has been serving us all.

If I had any uncertainty about whether or not I was going through warfare, my suspicions were confirmed when God led me to look up the simple definition of "wrestling." The wrestling sport's entire goal is to pin a person down and keep them there as long as they can. The longer they keep a person down, the more their strength is proven, and it's by that strength a wrestling match is won - nothing else. By this definition, it was evident that I've been getting pinned down by life more than I've been overcoming with strength. The number two fighter vibes I once used to be on has now morphed into yielding and surrendering to challenges and disappointments. Whatever fight I've been in this year has been finishing me, and I haven't bothered to fight back because the fight seems too strenuous too expensive. Every battle has something pricey at stake, and lately, what's been on the market is my peace of mind and my faith.

In combination with my struggles in finding employment and learning more about my calling, these unjust crimes against humanity in America & Nigeria have weighed me down and handicapped my hope. I've cried more tears from a weary spirit than a frustrated spirit in this season. These social injustices have tormented us all in some way, shape, or form, and there's no denying the obvious demand for urgency and action. But knowing the weakness of my Spirit, the exhaustion of my mind, and the limited range of my two hands and feet, It has become impossible to ignore my need for endurance.

I sheepishly looked towards the Gospel when I realized I didn't have a single self-help book to turn to that would address this spiritual fatigue. Now I know some of you may judge me for this being my last resort and not my first. But let's be real, even when we love God, and we know He's the answer to everything, that doesn't mean we don't sometimes revert to the pride of Eve and try to DIY our lives sometimes. I happened to be on the DIY wave before 2020 started, and I'm still learning not to apply that to my spiritual capacity.

But let's be real, even when we love God, and we know He's the answer to everything, that doesn't mean we don't sometimes revert to the pride of Eve and try to DIY our lives sometimes.

As I search for God in the midst of warfare and consider what it takes to fight with endurance, God reminds me that the Gospel isn't as rosy as we like to paint it to be. In fact, the Gospel is laced with so much more grittiness, stress, and difficulty than we want to remember. We often think of the Gospel as this story about this very kind man named Jesus, who can extend so much graciousness to people that He even puts Himself in life-threatening situations just because He's THAT guy! The guy that's always so annoyingly positive and wise. We reduce Him to a gimmick or a symbol of hippie "peace and love bro," instead of the multifaceted God who has a range of righteous emotions. At the bedrock of His Gospel is passion. The Latin root word for passion is 'pati,' which means to suffer or undergo endurance. The passion of Jesus Christ was both a feeling and a skillset, a calling, and an attack. The Bible says for the joy set before him, He passioned (endured) the cross (Hebrews 12:2). He felt passion so strongly that He birthed the skillset to endure the calling to save and withstand the attacks of sinners along the way.

When I envision the word "passion." I think of a linear stream of feelings that has no end. When people say that they have a passion for something, you know that you're seeing/hearing the core of who they are. There is just an expectation that true passion cannot be quenched or easily killed. And it is that passion that acted as the oil in Jesus' lamp. It was that burning oil called "passion" that allowed Jesus to complete every miracle, supply every need, console every heart, dismantle toxic political rhetoric, defy the rules for the sake of people's freedom (Hebrews 12:2). He is the same God who went all the way down to the pits of hell to get the keys for your freedom (Ephesians 4:9). Jesus does not shy away from a fight because He's serious about enduring for Our victory. He is a God who isn't opposed to fighting for whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—anything that is excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). So if there's anyone's help, we should consult concerning fighting through warfare; it's our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

It is that endurance and passion I've been trying to manufacture in my own life for the fight that's before me now. Just like a generator switching off to allow the real power and energy to fuel the house, I've been longing to make that transition to real power in the Spirit. And what I now know for sure is that the power to my fight and the remedy to my weariness is the strength of the Holy Spirit.

The moral challenges and global obstacles we're all up against in 2020 can only be won in victory with the strength of the Holy Spirit. If you're weary in your Spirit and mind like me — no routines, self-help books, or webinars will stir up the fire and passion you need to fight and endure what life will throw at you. You need the passion of Christ…and the Holy Spirit longs to give it to you.

If you're weary in your Spirit and mind like me — no routines, self-help books, or webinars will stir up the fire and passion you need to fight and endure what life will throw at you. You need the passion of Christ…and the Holy Spirit longs to give it to you.

The responsibility and burden of being fearless, of being consistently passionate, of being a "world changer," of being financially successful, of having a career, of being forgiving, of being patient, of being kind, of being joyful and peaceful — none of it is on you. God revealed to me that, like many us, I have been relying on myself too much to do something supernatural. I was trying to generate my own power and credit it to hustle and grit. But the Lord says: "I will not yield my glory to another" (Isaiah 42:8). He will not allow us to falsely believe that our power source comes from somewhere else. For the Bible also tells us that victory and strength can only come from the Spirit - The author of Jesus' endurance and power. Zechariah 4:6 reads: "This is what the Lord says to Zerubbabel: it is not by force, nor by strength, but by my, Spirit says the Lord of Heaven's armies."

I believe that the Lord is bringing us back to a place of dependency on Him. He is shifting our environments so that we may lean into Him. That we may remember that we are no longer orphans but Sons and Daughters of the Most High God. There is a full support team dedicated and deployed for you in the Heavens. God wants us to know that the weight we are trying to carry was never meant for us. The expectations we put on ourselves to be holy, perfect, and full of endurance is unrealistic. He knows we need help, and that's why He sent His son. He takes no joy in our stumbling and suffering. He wants us to understand that He knows how to fight, and He does it well. He wants us to allow ourselves to be defended by Him. He knows that some of you are not used to being protected. You've had to fight off the arrows of people's dysfunctions and hurtful actions for a long time, and now you've gotten used to playing defense. But I believe He's saying, "there's rest for you, daughter. Your Defender is here, and He is the Defender of defenders. Gone are the days where you've been found alone. My Spirit goes before you and lives with you. Let Him do what I sent Him to do."

He wants us to acknowledge the fact that the mere existence of a fight, struggle, or adversity is a call and pull from the Lord to switch gears, to change positions, to take rest, and realize that we are not a one-person army, and we were never meant to be. In fact, the mere reality of Salvation and being saved is an agreement of helplessness. It's a contract agreement stating that you know you needed someone to save you and defend you from whatever tormented you. He wants us to truly receive the weight of His defense, the dependability of His title "Defender," and the power of the presence of the Holy Spirit.

So let's choose to rely on the Lord this week. It is most definitely a choice to hang on and continuously choose God. 'Choice' is the essence of love and relationship — daily dying of self to experience the fullness of unity (that's one of the main reasons God has given us free will). Even as you wrestle with life throughout the week, I beg you to keep choosing God even when your DIY defenses have caved. Because I know He will prove His defense to be mighty towards you, and you will undeniably be satisfied with His care.

Matthew 10:29, "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care."